SRP: Day 12

Tasks:

• 15-MINUTE WALK UPON WAKING
• Follow Meal Plan
• Finish Season 2 of Gossip Girl
• Watch first episode of Season 3 (if you can’t fight it, work with it)
• Write more inner monologuery
• Call Mom and Dad
• Bike to a winery
• Check SpiderNet
• Morning walk
• 2 Ab Series
• Read 2 chapters in Dorian Gray

I have been considering the importance of environment.

When I arrived at St. Aignan in April, I planned to follow a 1-week detox. April Fool’s to me – I managed 18 hours, and only lasted that long because I slept for 11 of those hours. I tried, sort of, but I was too ready to fail. So I did. Far from being healthier during my month there, I ended up being very much the opposite. How could this have happened? How can an outcome be so contrary to one’s intentions? Why was it so easy to let simple goals slip away?

After a short while, I felt I couldn’t “start over” until I was in a new environment. No matter that the rest of the month was ahead of me, I’d already thrown in the towel. I didn’t need to wait until I was in a new place, or until tomorrow: I can always start now. Yet I sought “geographic solutions to emotional problems” because thinking things will be better somewhere else rationalized procrastination and distracted me from the internal problem. Focusing on change without allowed me to avoid change within.

Because here is a true thing: change is really hard, even when we are changing for the better. I’d have thought the universe would have set up a better incentive system, but there it is.

The only time a new environment actually helps us make changes is when we capitalize on our shocked system to cultivate new habits. Indeed, it wasn’t until I was back in Vouvray – new place, new month, new me! – that I was prepared to do the work of getting better.

So: I am here, working hard, changing, and getting better. I do think the relocation shook me loose enough to be open to changing destructive routines. The weather is sunnier, which has been an undeniable advantage.

But there is another factor, and it’s also another possible argument for seeking a new external environment to incite change internally: Living in a nice place makes one want to behave better.

Here in Vouvray, am I subconsciously living up to the lovely décor? Striving to be worthy of my charmant milieu? Having a clean and organized living space that one can be proud of and comfortable in is a clear parallel to taking care of one’s body. Surrounding oneself with quality and cleanliness is one way to practice self-respect. Is a vacuumed floor as rejuvenating as a shower? Why not?

The wisdom of the “Make your bed! Clean your room!” script echoing in my ears from childhood only ever deepens.

***

Well it’s 9:27 and I am thoroughly exhausted. I jumped in the pool after dinner, because I felt like it. Na na nana na!