Tasks:
- 15-minute walk upon waking
- Tidy up top floor
- Cleaning lady
- Three chapters of Dorian Gray
- Email Mr. M
- Email Alliance FR
- Follow meal plan
- Replacement grocery shop list
- Inner monologuery
- Charge cell phone
- Clear internet browser tabs
- Check career sites
- 5 GG episodes
- 2 ab series
- Boot camp
- Set up my week on gmail!
- 35-minute jog
- Glass recycling
Somehow Day 14 of a fortnight experiment is the penultimate day – let’s ignore that and not get hung up on semantics so I can drop some thought bombs.
Last week was tough. I had some dark moods and some tough moments – for no apparent reason, though my capricious hormones are always Suspect Number 1. It’s still difficult to wake up in the morning; after an unsatisfying night’s sleep, I just don’t want to get out of bed. Having always been something of a morning person, this is unusual. Probably more chemicals to blame – though this time I call caffeine and alcohol to the stand…
Evenings are the most difficult time to follow my meal plan. An evening activity of some sort would go a long way to remedy this, je crois. Having the family here also throws me off some, as I have to go along with what they have planned. Sounds a bit like real life there, eh? Think I can handle it? Even with these realities, I have eaten better, exercised more, and been more productive than I would have without making this deliberate effort. So I’ll put that in the “win” column, and give some preliminary credence to my original hypothesis.
I think the list can continue to evolve as I do. For the purposes of this experiment, the daily list comprised mostly short-term items. I think this was important to get me back on track – baby steps and all that. Going forward, I want to incorporate steps toward various long-term goals into my daily lists – not necessarily larger steps, just…more strategic small ones. If I were to graph it there would be multiple arcs going on, with me moving along them each day. Ad infinitum.
Surtout, I think this has been a mightily positive exercise. I may not be able to completely control my chemistry, but I can do a lot (or do a lot less) to influence it. I restrain myself in all the wrong ways; I have the power to fly and realize my potential, but I’m afraid (?) of this power, so I keep myself down with reliable methods of distraction. An imbalance of my own making has been revealed, and I see how potential gets choked by leaning excessively on distractions.
There is a new curiosity budding about what sort of person I am when I shed all of that junk and simply shine. Cut the fat from the psyche, from the body, from the spirit, from my time – what would I find?* I think I would find a woman absolutely unstoppable. I suppose I am not altogether ready to wear those shoes, maybe it’s a level of maturity and selfhood I am not ready to embrace? To be special on my own merit, not just because people who love me tell me so. How intriguing.
Don’t we owe it to ourselves and to the world to fly?
*I think I might also find that I just inadvertently busted an incredibly phat rhyme
Insight to Riot 